A lifetime
This morning, I was wondering why it feels like the last nine months have been a lifetime. Well, duh, Katie - that's because the last nine months have been my daughter's entire lifetime!
The sayings that get offered to new parents ring irritatingly true: 'The days are long but the years are short' etc. These have been the fastest but also longest nine months of my life so far, welcoming and nurturing and getting to know my little one.
I know I tend to view things in a black and white way. This may be my nature or it may be a quirk of having grown up around people who aren't neurotypical but regardless it often causes me problems. Last week, I started to feel brighter & lighter. I told people around me that I felt like a fog was lifting and quickly the story I formed in my head was that I felt better now, more like myself, and this was how things were going to stay. Then inevitably when I had a moment of not feeling as happy and relaxed, my story felt untrue and I was completely unsettled. I want to learn to live in the grey area.
These are the nap time ramblings of a very sleep deprived person. Reading back, I can see that there are huge chasms of explanation and sense between sentences but I don't have the mental energy to bridge them.
I am immensely grateful for my daughter and finding her more and more delightful every day. Speaking of those sayings - I agree that I never knew love like this until I had her. It surprises me how love can grow and grow in depth, intensity and volume even after what feels like maximum capacity. That is parenthood and it is a complete wonder.
The sayings that get offered to new parents ring irritatingly true: 'The days are long but the years are short' etc. These have been the fastest but also longest nine months of my life so far, welcoming and nurturing and getting to know my little one.
I know I tend to view things in a black and white way. This may be my nature or it may be a quirk of having grown up around people who aren't neurotypical but regardless it often causes me problems. Last week, I started to feel brighter & lighter. I told people around me that I felt like a fog was lifting and quickly the story I formed in my head was that I felt better now, more like myself, and this was how things were going to stay. Then inevitably when I had a moment of not feeling as happy and relaxed, my story felt untrue and I was completely unsettled. I want to learn to live in the grey area.
These are the nap time ramblings of a very sleep deprived person. Reading back, I can see that there are huge chasms of explanation and sense between sentences but I don't have the mental energy to bridge them.
I am immensely grateful for my daughter and finding her more and more delightful every day. Speaking of those sayings - I agree that I never knew love like this until I had her. It surprises me how love can grow and grow in depth, intensity and volume even after what feels like maximum capacity. That is parenthood and it is a complete wonder.
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